About

"...funny enough to make you momentarily forget your own cramped cubicle blues."

                               - Publishers Weekly

This hardcover book features over 99 office workers posing on, over, and in their desks and cubicles to demonstrate animal-inspired techniques designed to alleviate office maladies. Perfect for the stressed out cube worker in need of a laugh.

The design of this book is consistent with industry standards regarding cubicle exercise.

At the top of each page you will find three lines of text. The first line lists the office malady addressed by the technique. The second line lists the name of the technique, and the third line shows the Latin name of the animal inspiring the technique. The three lines of text, known as a triplet, are followed by a photograph of a model demonstrating the technique.

For best results, mentally perform the pictured technique while two or three coworkers observe. This is known as cubicle imprinting, but can be performed in any office area. Next, read the text below the photograph. After meditating carefully, perform the technique to the best of your ability.

If you have not cleared this with a qualified physician, skip this step and simply continue to visualize. Most important—enjoy. For without joy we have wasted the wisdom of the animals.

Excerpt

Acute Indifference

Beach-Dune Tiger Beetle Ridge Position

Cicindela hirticollis

The irony of indifference is that once you have it, you lose all interest in getting rid of it. One of the few techniques that can help is the Beach-Dune Tiger Beetle Ridge Position. As you feel interest wane, scale your work area and assume a prone position near the sharp edge of the desktop. Lift your feet, and extend one arm into space. Try to fully employ this position before the zenith of your malaise. The excruciating pain that you will endure is no picnic, but it should easily take the place of your disinterest.

Gossip Precision Deficiency

Dogfish Shark Bridge Position

Squalus acanthias

Gossip is the lifeblood of corporate communication, but like any specialized skill it should only be practiced by trained

professionals. Without proper instruction, the novice may be inclined to disseminate rumors that lack therapeutic precision.The Dogfish Shark Bridge Position suppresses the body’s tendency towards indiscriminate news sharing, and at the same time strengthens gossip fundamentals. This technique is perfect for new employees, or as a refresher for old timers.

Chair Retention Disorder

American Bison Surfer Posture

Bos bison

When collecting becomes an obsession, it may be time to seek professional help. When your collection consists of office chairs, more desperate action is called for. The American Bison Surfer Posture is an extreme measure, yet may be the only solution. Forget about the chairs, hop up on the desk, and imagine that you are hanging ten. The rush you will feel is so much more satisfying than gathering chairs, and is also thought to improve cholesterol levels. Hold for two minutes, or until you feel the wave crest.